Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
