He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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