You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
