I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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