Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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