my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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