I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
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The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
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He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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