East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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