Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
