I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
