I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again