Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?