I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?