i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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