office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
