so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
