Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize