So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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