I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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