You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
