Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
