Just fell off a train. Bad.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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