Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
