hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
