I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
