You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
