is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
