I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wear drunk well.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
