HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
