Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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