I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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