and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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