I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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