I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
