i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
