I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
