Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
