2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
