perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
