Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
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You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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