Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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