Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
