you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
