I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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