I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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