Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Never underestimate the power of titties
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
