I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just tell him i said nine months
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
