I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
