it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
