conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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