So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
