I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
