remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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