No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
