And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
