Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
