she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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