So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
