You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
