Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
