Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
please come you make the beer taste better
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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