Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
