Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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