What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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