you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
