Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
