y did u give ur computer a hand job?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
