I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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