To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
