Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
