if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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