I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
