You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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