i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
