dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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