Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
