i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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