Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The best revenge is premature balding
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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