Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
