dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
