he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
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It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize