Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
