Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
