Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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