im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
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In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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