Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
